last night there was a storm brewing.
So I put on my warm coat and knit hat.
as I walked, I closed my eyes, spreading my arms to a cross, letting the wind rush and swirl around me, through me, push me.
I imagined I was on top of a very high mountain, or cliff edge.
falling.
the colours of the night rushing; cold, yet comforting. Deep tar infused in Plum, blackberry, wine, laced with a few twinkles of light reflecting off the cloud darkened late sky.
thats how I imagine dying.
but falling, you eventually hit the bottom, and that grace of the fall is swiftly gone when your body is pierced by tree and rock, bludgeoned.
how can death be beautiful?
The lady of Shallot? sleep unto death; drowning?
sometimes when I bathe I half inhale the warm waters;
calm.
would it hurt to drown? just breathe the wetness into my lungs
curious
but
suffication
nothing is more unpeaceful than to be unable to breathe.
panic.
fear.
tension.
I don't think I am afraid to die; for when I die.
it is fragile, but I am still strong.
I think about death, and how to cut the life blood's flow,
but Im not strangling myself.
just thinking thoughts.
I hope you are doing ok...I'm just saying that cuz that sounds like the sorta stuff I would write back in HS when I was depressed...I wish I could still write like that though! My brain is so lifeless these days I can't even think! I seriously need to keep my brain active to even function! So good job! That is a beautiful..."thought"! (=
ReplyDeleteyeah im doing fine, I am NOT suicidal at all, hence the "not emo just thinking" title. I know it sounds really depressing though, but it was just what I was thinking, and of course my creative side makes me enhance it ;) must run in the family. Thanks!
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