Concerto to the Inundated

The last week has been, well, very eventful. I've experienced a lot of heart pain and joys.
I went up to Idaho to take care of my deferment of fall semester (I can't be taking college classes while in the MTC, now can I)
And I realized something, as I drove home that following afternoon.
I can't ever go up there again alone because I cannot drive home without the support
of another human being. I fall apart.
completely.
I never thought leaving Rexburg could be so traumatic. But never in my time in college have I been at the place in life that I am now. I'm getting ready for 18 months in Brazil, many of my close friends will be graduated and or married when I get back from my mission. Some of them, who knows where they'll be. Its not like its new news, but never had it really hit me that this may be the last time that I see some of these good people. It was a sickening realization which sunk deeper in my heart with every mile I drove away from BYUI. There has been very few times when I have felt such despair, to the point of physical pain. My heart hurt.
All I could do is pray that I could breathe again, that I could feel peace.
To be completely honest, I am so scared of going on my mission. of course Im excited for the hard work and for the chance to maybe make a difference in someones' life, but I am really afraid. I'm really good at faking things; like that I am super out going and that I love trying new things. Its the challenge that I am really into. The challenge of overcoming myself. I am not naturally outgoing or friendly. but I always felt repressed by my shyness. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go to Brazil, and have to learn another language to really push me farther than I have ever been pushed.

This weekend I found out that one of my co-workers just passed on. He's had cancer, and been very ill since I had known him. We didnt talk often, but when we did I could always feel of his soul, so good and honest. I cried when I got the phone call, knowing he was leaving behind a family, dying just after the adoption papers were filed. How fragile life is. you see someone one day, and the next they are gone.

My branch just combined with a ward. It will be good to have a chance to meet new people, but its hard going from such a tight knit family to a looser one. I bonded so much with my branch president; he truly has been an inspiration and example of Christ like love and sacrifice.

Onto the happier things;
I made my appointment at the Oquirrh Mountain Temple for October 1 to receive my endowments. To know that I am worthy, clean and pure and ready to receive such a blessing is so humbling and joyful. I will get to have my parents and my older sisters there to experience this with me. I am so excited.

I'm almost done with getting all my paperwork put together for my VISA application!! Though I spent the entirety of the day, and still didnt get things done exactly how I wanted, I was relieved to get so much done and fixed some issues with my Birth Certificate. Not wanting to get carried away in a rant, I'll summarize. When it comes to Vital records, one can only be amended once. Somehow a typo was still made in the process of changing my name spelling from Christin to Kristin....to that of Kristine. Completely different pronoucation. and I was certain Brazil would not be cool about that. I was told that since I'd be amended once, I would have to go to court in front of a judge and declare my proper name. This fee costing a minor $400. I was not going to let my parents or myself pay FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS for a STUPID LITTLE "e". So after a visit with Vital Records, Passports, and phone calls to my father, LDS travel services and The State Department of Health, I came away with only a fee for my new Birth Certifcate with the proper name of Kristin Bernadette Smith. We'll ignore the fact that they still typo'ed on my mom's middle name (non-exsistent, but according to them, K) because all that really matters is MY NAME!! haha

I'm praying Bethany's pregancy will result in a nephew for me.

I love life, so grateful for the family that I have. SO supportive.
My parents think Im so much more wonderful that I think I am, so its something to work for.

anywho....lets try and get the next post less.....I dunno...journally?